to glance back while looking forward

true to form, i am late at looking back to the previous year. i feel compelled to recap in some way, though. i pretty much detest new years resolutions, so that ain't gonna happen, but i am looking forward. and i'm optimistic about 2009.

a whole lot went down in 2008. i was thinking back and all of it seems like years ago in some ways. i guess that's how we do, though, just driving through. i'm happy to say that i have come to the last semester of college. and i'm feeling better about my major now. with the economy the way it is, i'm not extremely optimistic about job opportunities, but i will try to stay optimistic through it all. many people i had gotten used to seeing and staying in touch with all the time, i have had a hard time keeping up with, which makes me sad. it's surreal to have people younger than you graduate first, but it's not a race and everyone has a different story.

and mine took some interesting twists and turns this year; most of which i feel pretty good about. the year started with me being fired behind my back and me being crazy pissed and resentful about the whole thing. and that led to a lot of insecurities about working for me and about finances. but also has given me the gift of perspective that i wouldn't have if things had played out differently. i feel like retail should be a thing of my past. i've paid my dues. i really enjoyed working with my brother over the summer, even though it was really completely new and very challenging for me. i felt proud that i made it through it. and also i got to know him better in the process, and it made me even prouder of him. i wish i were like him in more ways than i am. i'm not sure how receptive he would be if i tried to tell him these things, but it should be mentioned nonetheless. he is generous in an unwavering way and in my opinion a great leader. and i think these things are inherent in him, and i feel very proud and honored to be his brother. my parents are the same way, and that is very important to me. i know i always have their support and love.

i made the decision not to find a job and tried not to worry about it as much as possible over the fall semester, and it really paid off, as i did the best i have done my whole time in college (besides durham tech), and that i am really proud of. it made this winter break much more of a pleasant time than it has been in years. i can't remember the last christmas i wasn't distracted and feeling guilty and uncertain about my life before the new year. not that i have everything all figured out by any means, but i feel more okay about it, which is a great help.

i'm also - for the first time in a very long time - actually really excited about this semester in school. i have an internship i'm really looking forward to. the people seem incredibly nice and i'm going to get to do a lot of different things there, and get some experience in business, which i hope will be beneficial to getting a job after i graduate, and also give me more of an idea of things i'd like to do. i'm taking a strategic marketing class with an instructor i really enjoy also, and that should be fun. my senior seminar class will be a big challenge but i think i'll learn a lot. and i have an art history class i'm taking to break things up. then i'll be done! i simply can't imagine what that will feel like. it will probably take awhile to sink in.

this past semester i also found a way to step out of my comfort zone and really take chances and went on dates and met some great new friends. there were definitely setbacks and times when i had a really hard time with it, but i feel more confident than i did before.

i couldn't have done it without my friends, though. this year i was surrounded by people that mean so much to me, and who were always there when i needed support. you guys are like family to me.

2008 was also about inspiration for me, and i really still feel inspired that better things are coming in 2009. this is huge for me, because i tend to be so incredibly cynical. but it has felt so good to believe in something and feel like change and progress are truly possible. i have never felt so connected to a presidential candidate or politics, it's been really nice for me, because it has helped me break out of some uncertainty and fears that might have continued to cloud my judgments and decisions.

as for other things that inspired me, i feel like i have to mention music, because it is always important to me. and so the top albums/songs of 2008 for me were (in no particular order):

01) erykah badu - new amerykah
02) naked music - re-creation
03) janelle monae - metropolis
04) john legend - evolver
05) j-boogie's dubtronic science - soul vibrations
06) little jackie - the stoop
07) madonna - hard candy
08) gina rene - be the change
09) jennifer hudson - spotlight
10) kanye west - 808s and heartbreak

so that's a good place to stop. thanks to all of you that made 2008 a great year, and i hope you are looking forward to this year as much as i am.

goodnight.