can't sleep

despite my best efforts, i cannot get to sleep. i was able to take a nap for maybe 4 hours a bit earlier, but have been restless and wide awake ever since. it's one of those nights that when you lie down all you can do is think of all the things you need/would like to do.

i need to catch up on some reading and some research for my classes. i can't believe this is my last semester and i have no idea what i'm going to do once it's over. my classes this semester are actually going ok, i just feel really spaced most of the time, and can't get my thoughts together.

of course, lying in bed is also when i keep thinking over and over again that i need to start working out, losing weight, changing all kinds of things about myself. easy to decide to do when you're in bed and really can't do anything about them at that particular moment. it's sad, too, because i am seriously thinking about these things all day, and would be really doing myself a great service to do something about it, instead of simply being bombarded with the worry all the time. i hope i can. it's never been this much of an issue before, and it's really stressing me out.

things are going well at my internship. i definitely didn't go in any kind of on time yesterday because i was so worried about the possibility of driving through the snow/ice. and naturally there wasn't any problem, and the worry was all for nothing. better safe than sorry, i guess. i did stay later, though, so i was really there the same amount of time as i would've normally been. and i got all the things done i needed to.

maybe it's from not sleeping, but i keep having weird thoughts. and i have felt like i'm kind of a guest in my own life. like i'm vacationing as myself, and trying to keep myself occupied at all times. and i'm coming up short. i could, obviously, be filling a lot of the time with work that i need to do, but what kind of vacation is that? it's weird though, because when i don't have plans or something going on that i have to be/somewhere to be, i sorta panic and try to come up with things to keep myself busy. the snow has kept me from taking these moments to run out and do random things, so i've thought about it a lot more, i guess. like i said, i'm restless.

and cold. seriously, i'm not usually the person that has a hard time with this, and my room is usually hotter than can be tolerated, but now it's freezing in here! wtf?! the heat is half ass right now. and all the cold is coming right through the windows! i'm wrapped up like a refugee. but it's hard to be comfy like that.

i'm making some hot tea. in desperate attempts to be able to sleep, i was only drinking water (and wine... haha) but i need something warm, even if it does have caffeine. we are on a 2 hour delay today for classes and my first class is cancelled. this means i don't have class until noon, so theoretically i have plenty of time to get some work done. i intend to. how it will probably play out is that i will get something done and then be over it. this won't take me til noon, though. i'd love to sleep til then, but that seems really unlikely.

at least it's almost the weekend. and the snow outside is really nice to see, even if it is cold and windy. oh well.