seriously, when is it over?

so it's been awhile since i posted last, but things have been really outta control crazy with school and my internship.

the semester is almost over, and i'm excited but incredibly beat down, and nervous about finding a job. it's hard to be really happy about graduating when you feel like finding a job will be so hard. i wish i was someone with more ambition, and i just couldn't live with myself until i got what i wanted, but that's just not me. also between my student debt and my credit cards and my insurance, i don't see what amazing job i'm gonna find that will allow me to pay for everything and get by. it seems highly unlikely. and my parents are amazing, and have helped with everything all the way, but i don't want to have to do that forever, and i'm just really nervous.

today was just a really low day. i have so much to get done, and all i want to do is sleep. i got a few things done, but haven't made remarkable progress on the scarier things that are coming up this week.

and i can't even focus on getting through this week and then being free, because i have no money and that is really making life difficult. i have put myself in crazy credit card debt and now i have maxed out and have no options. my fault, clearly, but still no fun.

tonight i have been missing someone pretty hard for the first time in awhile, and that does not help matters. i'm sure he's a lot better off and happier, and i am really happy for him truly, but it's sad that i'm still not feeling much better from all that. in the future i should really refuse certain invitations so that things do not come up without my control.

all my blog entries are so depressing, and i apologize for that, but i guess that's when i'm the most reflective. i will do my best to mix it up better. now i have to continue working on some shit for this week. i fucking hate school.